What I am going to try to explain is at once really simple, and really hard. It's along the lines of getting yourself un-betaized. It can happen in an instant. It's completely internal, and it will invert any congruency issues you have. That is, your inner game becomes more solid than your outer game.
Before I get started... my main audience is the roughly 1/2 to 3/4 of you reading that are either now in are will end up in a long term relationship or married, but you are NOT interested in weak, namby-pamby Dad's-an-idiot kind of relationship. All of it applies as well to pickup and to young boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, but when you are faced with picking up the same chick over and over again, for years, owning the high level frame is critical.
Frame control: strategy vs tactics
Basically, the idea is to relate inner and outer frames in a way similar to the way strategy is related to tactics. Both support each
other, both are necessary, but strategy is developed and practiced by general officers; tactics by lieutenants. There aren't very many books on strategy, Clausewitz, Sun Tzu, Macchievelli's Discourses (not The Prince). And too many to count on tactics. Furthermore, strategy in war, business and seduction is more closely related than not. Tactics are decidedly more domain-specific.
Strategy becomes a metaframe for tactics, a structure allowing tactics (here we speak of outer game) to work effectively.
Now, being a master strategist, mastering a metaframe of seduction, takes time. But *deciding* to practice mastery puts you
on that road, instantly.
Instantly.
How to know
With a strategy that works, the tactics fall into line.
It's the difference between worrying about whether her last txt message indicates that you are "beta" versus deciding whether she is worth your time and energy. That is, "alpha" or "beta" don't even figure into the equation. Which is, surprise surprise,
alpha behavior.
Old tactical frame: "I will ignore her disrespectful txt message for 2 days, then send a Cocky/Funny reply."
New tactical frame: "I don't have time for a weird chick right now."
In the old, the focus was on the woman.
In the new, the focus is on your mission.
Here is where it gets really interesting: at a strategic level, the outcome of any particular battle (shit test) is irrelevant by itself. What matters is patterns. Effective rulers (generals, CEOs, kings, the original tyrants of Rome) all understand this principle and create large, effective empires that live for year or decades after they pass.
They don't sweat the small shit.
Good field officers and good vice-presidents will *continually* test their leadership with initiative, taking action that could cost lives or money. Effective generals don't give orders that won't be obeyed. Successful CEOs allow subordinates to learn by experience, by making mistakes.
In a relationship with a woman, similar practice applies. She will test continually. Owning the metaframe in a relationship requires allowing some slack. Keep the tension too high, something will snap. And not in a good way.
Here's the take home, field tested practice resulting from women I have been in relationships with (or screened out of relationships). Note this is all high level advice. I'm not going to tell you to "wait 3 days to call" or some shit, because those kinds of tactics fall out of the higher level frame. You can work those details out for yourself.
Practical advice
Here we go:
- If you are obsessed, or even worried, by any 1 single action your women does, she owns the metaframe. And she will come to fear your demonstrated reactions to her behavior, and only low self-esteem, low value women will tolerate this, and you will get what you deserve. High self-esteem, high value women fear your potential actions. There is a difference. When your focus is on the higher level mechanics of the relationship, most of the small shit gets dealt with automatically, and you will be better able to figure out what's important and what's not. You will sleep better at night.
- If a woman you desire wants a relationship, and you feel in your gut that something isn't right, she owns the metaframe. Your gut won't lie to you. Trust it.
- If you desire a relationship with a woman, and she is cold to it, you have three real choices: A. Drop her instantly. B. LJBF her for the long game queue, don't put much energy into her. She may come back on her own, it's happened to me several times. C. Pursue her *relentlessly.* No bullshit. Steve Wynn did it, his wife is solid gold. A geeky colleague of mine snagged a bonafide 10 by relentless pursuit. (Whether he keeps her or not is a different story, but by God, he got her!). I did it with my first girlfriend. R. Don Steele (look him up) did this as well, repeatedly. In this case, your frame is "I'm a man and I get what I want. No matter what it takes." This is attractive to women. Otherwise, she owns the metaframe.
- If the woman is controlling your material existence (your wallet, your house, your stuff) to your detriment, she owns the metaframe. If you consistently spend more than you want to spend with her, she owns the metaframe. This is actually really simple. She either costs you money, or she makes you money. Do a Google search for "Trading Goddess." Read Proverbs 31. If she can be trusted to manage your resources, you own the metaframe.
You can decide, right now, to master your metaframe.
Great article. Very
Great article. Very insightful.
I was once with a High Self Esteem, High Drive, rather good looking girl. And as such she tested me hardcore. She knew about the seduction community, psychology and so on, and she was very conscious of her own insticts and desires. We talked about how betaisation is a natural instinct of the female brain to weed out weaker men, and that I was not worried about betaisation attempts since I consider them part of "the game", so to speak. I enjoy women as they are, including this knack.
However, there came a point where I almost snapped. At some point her betaisation attempts were endangering something beyond our relationship. It was eroding my mission, my purpose. When I noticed that, I withdrawed from her. I suddenly became stiff and distant. She noticed that there is some point beyond which forced betaisation becomes a liability for the man, and at that point it stops being a game and instead becomes a sabotage of the relationship. We talked about this and she stopped this kind of betaisation attempts altogether so we rescued the relationship.
These days I think the mission is one of the most important things in a man's life. Becoming something greater than what you are today is the last step on the path of personal growth. Building a nest (wife, children) can be part of your mission too, but not the whole of it. While your girl might test you on your manliness, once you demonstrate you are a man, she has to help you with your mission, not hinder it.
Because you're a train headed for your destination. And you'll be going there no matter what. Everyone who does not jump in, gets left behind.
Wulfen - "Lobo Feroz"
Exito Social - Spanish Seduction Site
In a word
Deida